doubt

...I need to pray more. About several things that are going on. I need to trust more. I need to be reassured that this is what I need to be doing, this is where I need to be going. Otherwise, if I'm not sure, am I potentially making one of the biggest mistakes instead of going on one of the biggest adventures? I wish I knew. I wish I could play both scenarios and see which one ends as I would like, and pick that one. I feel as though the one thing that I'll be missing, I can go back to. But what if I can't? Then what? Then perhaps I missed out on something else, something that could've been great. Decisions suck. Time sucks. I'm frustrated, doubting, and a little bit disappointed. I'm disappointed that I would ever have to second guess something like this. A week ago, I jumped at it like there was no tomorrow. How did it change so quickly? Yet, I wouldn't deny that the why is a good thing. I could be happy in so many places, but each one requires me to give up something else.

Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Or am I still on my conference high? This is so different, yet, I'm still only 19. Does that even matter? Should it even matter? I'm so confused at the moment. I wish I were more patient.