please look away

I'm gonna hide my face. I really dislike myself at the moment, and I don't want to look anymore. There are a lot of things that I need to do right now, there are a lot of things that I should be focusing on, but I can't.

I just...can't. I hate finals. I don't like that they're such a huge part of life. Exams, tests, papers. True, they can show how well you can do at that thing, in that moment. But why do we let them define our lives? I wish they weren't such a huuuuuge deal. It would make me less stressed.

I'm wasting my time doing things that I shouldn't. For example, I'm watching a tv show, and honestly, this guy is the worst actor I think I've ever seen. And honestly, I can't stand it, because no one is like this. No one. It's a little bit ridiculous. Maybe he's acting like this because he's without hope, and he feels lost. But I can't imagine ever attempting to make a deal with God, and demanding anything of Him. That seems like such a bad idea.

Maybe I've never tried because I've never been desperate. I am so blessed, and there has never been a point in my life where I am so lost that I have nothing. Even when I've felt alone, I know that I'm not. I know that there are people that love me enough to listen to me and talk to me about my life. Yet this man is demanding that God heal his wife, get rid of her cancer.

We can't demand things of God. We can't make him do things. He is so amazing, He is so faithful, He is always going to be here. I'm so thankful for that, because no matter how far I fall, and how badly I keep failing, He loves me.