blue skies and white ground

So it's Christmas. And for the first time in my entire life, I am not on top of the whole gift situation. Usually I'm the one who spends way too much money, and who can't wait to give presents to everyone else. I usually am so excited to see my family open whatever I got them. I don't know what happened, but this year, Christmas lost a bit of its sparkle.

I mean, I was kinda busy, sure, being at school and all, but that doesn't really excuse me from not doing things for my family. I mean, I haven't put thought into anything for them this year. I got my sister something, wrapped, and all. But my parents? I've kind of run out of things to do for them, and all my brother wants, I shall not purchase for him. Blah. It's Christmas, and in a few hours I will be expected to have something together for them, and right now, I've got nothing. I feel so terrible about that.

I love the snow. I really do. That picture, just makes me smile. It's so pretty. The snow is so amazing. It's so calm. I must admit, my favorite thing about the snow is the quiet. Everything is so silent, especially in the early morning, with the snow falling all around you. That was the only thing I liked about having an early class this semester. Walking to class, in the snow for a few weeks, was thrilling (except when I was running late). The crunch of the snow beneath your feet? I love that sound.

Break so far has been alright. It's been a good opportunity to hang out with my family, spend time with my sister. I spent some time with Mags, which made me happy, because I haven't seen her in forever, and she won't be around for most of the time I will be here for break. Sad face. I'm looking forward mostly to TCX, but when I come back...well, there's this feeling of dread. I dread coming back to my house after being with all of my friends from school. I don't know what to do about it, but I don't want to be here. It's so hard, and I hate knowing that it's completely true.

I want to be at school. I'm not saying I want to be working, doing homework, being in class, because that, really isn't all that fun. However, I miss the people. I miss my dorm. I miss youth group. I miss bible study, and late nights with people. I don't want to be here, and while I'll make the most of it, because I shall be in town for several weeks, I hate that I hate it so much. I wish I didn't, but I don't honestly know what to do about that. I feel like it's a little late to change my mind.