I would agree with Logan

"You jump I jump Jack" is so true. We're young, we're alive now, so let's live, please.

almost over

Freshman year is quickly coming to a close, and it brings strange emotions with it. I only have 3 more weeks of classes. The countdown has been going on, but it's finally sinking in. This is almost over. I can barely believe it, because I remember so vivdly just starting school this year, and now, it's only a memory? Seriously? I hate time so so much. I hate how things can change so drastically in such a short amount of time. People come and go, things happen, it's one of my least favorite things, but I realize that it is also one of my greatest teachers. 

There was so much that I wanted to accomplish this year. And honestly, a lot of things never happened, never got close. However, a lot of things that I didn't expect, and some things that I wouldn't have dreamed did happen, and I'm so thankful for those. 

I am going to enjoy this summer more than past ones I'm guessing. It will be longer, which is nice, but beyond that, it'll be very different. I need a break from this. As much as I love school and the people, and everything connected to it, I just need a break from it all. From the pressure, and the being horribly broke, and the terrible food. I need to chill, and that's what I plan on doing. I have a few things that I need to do, but for the most part, I am going to detox from freshman year. I'm looking forward to these next few weeks, but I think I'll be glad to see them end. I need something new so that I can forget some things. 

I finally made a decision...and I feel like it was the right one. I don't regret having to give up something, but it makes me sad nonetheless. It would've been amazing. There was a point a few months back when I would've thought about how this decision would affect other things, but I don't have to worry about that anymore, and it's a huge relief in all honesty. 

A friend of mine recently saw someone from her past. I think that after this weekend, I can totally relate to that feeling of pain. While it was a great thing for me to get out of the dorms and be off campus, last night...man. My surroundings brought back a recent memory, one that I wish I could just get rid of. I bet that it will always be around when I come back here, and I wish that it weren't so. I want to just rid myself of everything connected to it, but it's going to be harder than I thought.

I fell a lot harder than I thought I would. It makes me wonder what the future holds. But hopefully, this will all go away soon. It is almost over, right? Let's pray for a new dawn. The good news is that this is true... and that we can be glad in Him no matter what. It can be hard, but it's more than worth it.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus."

sunshine on my shoulder

I have a friend who would say she knows exactly what this blog is about because of the title. Yeah, yeah, it's nice out. Woot. Doesn't make it any less awesome in my opinion. :)

I should be writing a paper. Well, I should've already written said paper. I'm wanting to sleep and read and do nothing else for the rest of the semester, but that won't happen. I have an exam tonight, and I hope it goes well. I'm mostly prepped, but I definitely could study more.

I've been sitting in the TLC for a few hours now, going over note cards, reading my classnotes. It's getting cold and dark in here when I compare it to the outside world. 70 and sunny is my kind of spring, and I wish that it wasn't going away anytime soon, but it's supposed to rain next week. However, I'm better off here than in say, ND (for more than one reason), but mainly because of the ridiculous flooding that I keep hearing about. That's insaaaaane. I'd rather be here though than almost anywhere at the time being, because this is where I know that I am supposed to be, as cheesy as that might sound. I love school here, and while I wish that school mostly consisted of chilling with my friends and playing volleyball, I guess once in awhile I'm able to suck it up and do my homework. Like, today for example.

In 4 hours this whole test thing will be over with. I shall be able to strike one more thing off of my crazy list of to-dos, and I shall enjoy my night at Cru, as usual. Woot. I'm stoked for life, but I usually am I suppose. God is just, well, He's doing amazing things and I am overjoyed. I hope that you are as well.

bothersome

It's always annoying when people give me advice, and I know that they're right, but I don't want to listen. However, I probably will. I know that it's for the best.

A part of me still wants to tell her. I would personally want to know, if I were her. But at the same time, it's totally not my place. Ugh, decisions. Why do I have so many of them to make all of a sudden?

On a fun note, you should totally watch College Life on MTV. Yeah, freshmen at UW-Madison. Killer. I'm excited to watch it. It starts tomorrow!

light a match, watch it burn

those nights

I remember when we used to laugh
About nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all

Remember when we'd stay up late and we'd talk all night
In a dark room lit by the tv light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
[Skillet]

I love and hate memories. It always makes me kind of sad to be nostalgic, because I remember all of the good times, and for a moment, it feels like it won't ever be like that again. Even if it's for a moment, and no longer, it's a terrible feeling. Looking back and remembering all of the laughs, all of the joy with people, and knowing that it might not happen like that in the future...well honestly, it sucks. And yet, I realize how fortunate and how blessed I am to have so many wonderful memories, of friends/family. Road trips. Summer. Camping. Late night talks. Friends.

Then I stop and think about the future. Not that I want time to speed by, but I do look forward to all the things that will happen in the next days/weeks/months/years. I'm about 90% sure that I've made a decision. I think I know what I need to do this summer, and next year. I'm just going to trust God with it all, and follow where He's leading. I'd be stupid to try to fight it. Even if this isn't how I thought things would be, you know what? It's okay. I need to be reminded that I'm not in charge at all, and if this is how it works, then I'm all for it.

I hope that you are happy with your choices. I am with mine, and I pray that everyone has such peace about things. Have a fantastic Easter weekend, and remember why we celebrate it, how much it cost.

one small deed

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord."

You know, right now, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a huge decision to make, and I don't know what to do. All I know is that God has it covered, and I'm uber thankful for that. I pray for guidance, because I really need it right now. Pretty much all I'm doing this weekend is praying, and studying. As annoying as the work situation is, I am really glad right now that I'm not at home. I don't know if that would've been a good idea. I think I'll be better off here. I need quiet, and seclusion.

Praise God for the peace and calm that He's given me. I think if this had happened to me last year, I would've gone crazy. I wouldn't have been able to function. However, as it is, I'm strangely, okay. I mean, yeah, it isn't cool. No, I don't think it was handled the right way. But somehow, it honestly doesn't bother me. It did for about two seconds when I first heard, and then I realized that there are more things in life that are worth my energy. God, for example. School. Fellowship. Now is not the right time, and I'm thankful for being able to see that.

Today was amazing, and eventful. God was nice enough to let us have some sun, for once. :P
And, some kind soul was amazing enough to turn in my ipod after I left it in Grainger yesterday. Whoever you are, thank you thank you thank you. It means a lot to me.

I need to sleep. Thinking takes up too much energy. But, at least, on the bright side, it takes up less energy than moping, which I haven't done in awhile, and I refuse to do now. Killer.

achieve

part 3

of three. The end.

!!!!!!!

no way, no way, no way. I love life, it's such an adventure. Guess who is getting back onto the Belgium train? Oh, yeah, that would be me. How awesome will this be? I mean, what's really holding me back? I found a way to take UW credits online, that actually pertain to my life/major/interests. I only have to be a part time student in order to keep my loans deferred. I could be gone for six months, a little more than a semester. I could be in Brussels. Honestly, I'm insane, still, if I don't go. Why on earth wouldn't I? I thought that I wanted to stay here for people, for the whole UW-fall stuff, for TCX, for football season. And yeah, I do. I would love that. I loved that this past year. But really? It will always be here. I wouldn't lose any school time because I'd take classes. And I'd be in Europe. I'd be lying to myself if I said that I didn't think I should go.

I just have to talk to my advisor to make sure the credits work, and talk to Pamela about how I'm getting there/when, and talk to the people I am supposed to be living with, find myself a replacement for a semester, which I think I already have, and work out my contract with the owner. This would be really, really simple. Huzzah. I might get my butt over to Europe after all.

well then, tell me how

I come across. I talked to a guy today, that I run into literally everywhere. I don't know how, but he continues to show up. And at one point today, I told him about Big Break, and about how I was ecstatic to talk to people about God's love. I told him that yes, I'm a Christian, and I'm in no way ashamed of calling myself one. I do indeed believe that Christ came, died, was resurrected, and did it to cover all of our sin. I do call Him my savior. Yes, I do go to church, and most of my free time revolves around Cru.

And he tilted his head, with a strange look in his eyes, and told me that he never would've guessed. That I didn't strike him as a "churchy" kind of person. He asked me if I were a "Bible thumper" to which I replied that, no, I won't sit there and yell at you, judging you. I'm not going to spout Bible verses at you, condemning you. He told me that he appreciated my not doing such things. I asked him that if he didn't think I was the type to do all sorts of "God-related stuff" then, what was the type? Who does he assume does that? Could he describe them? He was unable to put his thoughts into words, but I'm always curious.

What do most people assume the "Typical Christian" looks like? How do they act? How does the average person stereotype people as soon as they hear the word "Christian" ? I want to find a way to make it obvious that there's something different about the way I live. That there's something more to my existence. I pray that I radiate God's love, and that my life reflects the changes that I've undergone in the past years. To go back to the message from yesterday, I want to be the moon.

Keep me accountable? Tell me how I'm doing.

the moon

has no light of its own, yet we see the moonlight shine so clearly from where we stand. It's a ball of dirt, with no way to illuminate our paths, yet it does. Why? It shines because it reflects. The sun shines ever so brightly, and the moon simply reflects its radiance.

This is how we should be. We are nothing; we are balls of dirt. Yet, our job is to not try to be the sun, because such a thing is impossible. Instead, we are to reflect. We are to shine Christ's love. We are to let it illuminate our souls and our lives, shining for all to see. How brilliant of a metaphor is this? I was so amazed by it this morning at Blackhawk. Watch it. It was so cool. Or listen to the song "You Are The Sun" by Sara Groves.

http://www.blackhawkchurch.org/media_handlers/show_sermon.php?id=452&size=large

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
(2 Corinthians 3:18)

We aren't diamonds; we aren't mirrors; we aren't good reflectors.

We're balls of dirt.

...like the moon. But we can reflect His glory, his love, and his beauty.

I challenge you today to shine. Show people His love. Show them His grace. Show them His mercy. Reflect, and illuminate the world around you. Let us glorify the Creator of this world, for He is glorious.

fairytales and knights

in shining armor do exist. I grew up believing in fairytales. In happily ever-after. It's definitely a part of my being, something that I want and desire. In recent years/months, what have you, I had all but given up on it. I had traded in my dreams for rationality, and the idea of being "realistic." My passions and dreams were pushed aside for something that I thought would... what, help me do "better" in life? Keep me satisfied? No, no longer. Seriously. I refuse to simply "get by" or "make it through" because we are meant for so much more.

I just picked up, started, and finished When Dreams Come True, by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It was simply gorgeous. So God-inspired. So...perfect. This world will tell you to throw away your beliefs, your morals, your ideals. Give yourself away for acceptance. Honestly, how many times will we be told? "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

We will only ever be happy in Him. Fulfilled, in Him. Not in a kiss, not in a friendship, but in Christ alone. Everything we do should revolve around Jesus. All things should be built upon our relationship with him. Like the song - On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

What a romance. To be romanced by the Creator of the universe. To trust Him to put someone in your life. To let Him write your love story. I can't see anything better. I can't imagine anything better.

being in charge

sucks. Trying to plan a trip...sucks. This is way too complicated to even be fun at the moment. And I hate that the entire thing is hanging on a few things. I wish we could just figure it out. I really, really, really want to go away this summer. To not be at home. To run away, for awhile, and just have fun with some good friends. I really hope that it works out.