looking for : travel buddy

So I'm torn. I am feeling terribly guilty about it, too, which really just adds to the pressure and the stress of trying to figure this all out. I love traveling. LOVE IT. I love adventure, as well as new things, places, and experiences. The whole sha-bang, it makes me happy. Spending time with people and exploring makes me more excited than I can really express. When I'm given an opportunity to go somewhere, I take it. Maybe it's rash of me, and perhaps I ought to put more planning or praying or whatever into it, but whereas most people sit back and think, I'm definitely onboard. When Evans asked if I wanted to go to Italy, there was no way in hell that I wasn't going. So I went. Same thing happened when my spanish class went to Costa Rica. It almost happened a third time when my lit. class went to Greece. The only reason I didn't go on that is because I moved. I even paid the down-payment. I was so determined, but life got the better of me that time.

I'm the kind of person who wants to plan a trip. If you have a spare week and want to go roadtrippin round this fine country, let me know. This past spring, I tried (unsuccessfully) to get some of my friends to go to DisneyWorld this summer. I don't like sitting still - I like going. When my cousins both went and aupaired, one ended up in Hawaii, the other, in Belgium. I was more jealous than I ever admitted, to be sure. I want that. So when I found out about Turkey, once again, I jumped on that train. That one, well, it didn't work out so perfectly, but yet, I'm not discouraged. I still want to go. There's so much to see and to do; there are so many people to meet. I guess I just don't want to miss out.

There's a trip planned to go to an Asian country for a week over Thanksgiving break... and I so badly want to go. This, my friends, is where I come across a problem, where I have a conflict. I want to go...but I don't think my desire is for the right reasons, and that makes me feel terrible. It's an opportunity to go to a college campus and tell other students in another country about Christ. Tell them about the gospel, and give them an opportunity to know because otherwise they might not hear. I understand the importance of a trip like this - I really do. I know that it's a chance to be a light, so to speak, in a dark place of the world. Yet it doesn't excite me. What excites me is the chance to go somewhere new, to see the sights and spend time with friends from school. Why am I not as stoked to share what I know?

I feel as if perhaps it's because a part of me knows that there is enough to do here in my own country, my own state, my own town. There are students here - thousands of them - that do not know the same savior that I know. Why am I not focusing on the hundreds of students in my apartment building instead? They have opportunities to hear about God, unlike these students abroad, but they don't take them. Is it more important for me to share with someone who has never heard? Or is it better to have a relationship with those around me, and to show them that life can be more.

It scares me to think that I simply want to go on a vacation instead. It feels selfish. It feels like maybe, it would be me doing something wrong. Like stealing cookies from the jar before eating dinner. What I can't figure out though, is if that is because it's true, or because I'm simply feeling guilty, and imposing those feelings on myself to try to make myself want to go on this trip to Asia. I want to be excited about the prospect of it...but I'm not. I don't think I should go if I'm not in it for the right reasons, if I don't get excited about it. I'd rather spend the same amount of money and spend a week going on a tour through EF in Paris and Amsterdam. I'd rather spend 10 days in Ireland. I'd rather buy myself a plane ticket and go see the World Cup next summer with my sister. (If I had my choice, I would somehow go to S. America with people that probably won't invite me because we're not actually "friends." But I wish we were! I want to come!) Should I feel bad about wanting to spend money to travel? I don't even know.

But what I want, more than anything at the moment, is:

Travel companions. Must be willing to seek adventure and not be afraid of the unknown that is the rest of this world. Must be willing to search outside of the box for ideas and plans. Must be willing to try new things.

Anyone serious about this in a more than a "Ohmygosh! That'd be like, so much fun!" kind of way, anyone who isn't just saying they want to because someday, somehow they might do something, welcome! Please don't ask me if you have no actual plans to do stuff, or if you're going to continually say "maybe." However, if you want to go do something awesome, and legitly want to, let me know. I would love love LOVE to join you.