he ate reeses pieces

Oh, how I love my schedule. I only have two classes on Fridays. So I'm done already! Haha, I got back to my room and Alyssa is still asleep. It makes me jealous, and feel somewhat accomplished as well. So I like it. Though, every time, I'm "this" close to falling asleep in Zoology because it's so darned dark in there. Teachers should know that there needs to be a better balance between visibility of the screen and light in the room if they want anyone to stay awake in the morning, on a Friday no less. Goodness. I'm happy. I made it through my working, and sleep deprivation, and got mostly back on track with living more normally.

Cru was last night, and I love it so much. Not only do I love seeing everyone, and feeling so at home, but I love worship, and I love hearing Danger (or anyone) talk about something meaningful. I do agree that we need to learn, together. And I'm so grateful for the freshman class, because I feel as though we are really striving to do just that. We are getting to know one another, and spend time with each other, and it's just...it's like a new family. We are brothers and sisters, in Christ, and I love them all. I'm so thankful for their friendship and advice, and support. I know that I could talk to any of them about what's going on, and they would listen, and pray about it with me.

I've never had that before, always feeling as though I was trudging through life and my failures alone. I've always had my family, but there's been something missing. Fellowship. I've had friends, but there's never been a close enough relationship to talk about what's really going on, and ask them to honestly and legitimately pray about it with me. Maybe I've been afraid, and I'm finally learning to open up, true. However, whatever it is that has changed, I'm ecstatic.

God is so wonderful. I mean, every day, it's something new, something else. It's brilliant. And astounding. I can't help but look at the world around me and see Him in everything. Even in my hurt, I am thankful. Even when I doubt about my future, and what it should look like, He gives me peace about it. I've been having difficulty with trying to plan out my life. Where I'll be five years from now, what I'll be doing in six months, etc.

I was sitting in Chipotle the other day, before work, reading my Bible, and listening to music. And I keep being amazed at His word. I came across Psalm 27:14 which says "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." And about two minutes later, my iPod played By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North. "Tell me where will you run, to where will you run? Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall in the dead of night, whenever you call and please don't fight these hands that are holding you." It was splendid. I mean, it was just...perfect. Do you have these moments? I hope and pray that you do.

He amazes me every day. I've been freaking out about something going on in my life, and then the other night, I stayed up, probably too late. I sat, I journaled, I prayed, and just gave it up to Him, knowing that I can't control it, and I don't want to. It brought such joy. It brought peace. What happens, is what is supposed to happen. It will be okay. I'm not supposed to know everything. And why was I doubting in the first place? Everything in my life that has seemed horrible, has brought me here! How glorious that is. My moving, my relationships, my failures, they all worked for good. I momentarily had forgotten how great our God is. What foolishness! I'm so thankful that He's here for me, even when I stumble. When my walk becomes a crawl, He's still there. What love. :)

you know you're a creeper...

when you attempt to skype college-age girls from a different country, and you're a 40-something-year old man. Yeah, pretty much what happened.

i have

a love/hate relationship with the word "friends."
a habit of listening to "The Call" on repeat when I'm sad
issues that I need to resolve.
an incurable need for journaling.
homework that I should be doing.
to wait and see, no matter how much i hate to.
not enough time to sleep.
a fear of being forgotten.
"been weighed, measured, and found wanting."

best news ever

I only have one final this semester. Yessir, count 'em - one. That will be the best thing in the entire world. When I started this semester and looked at my exam schedule, it said that I had five. Ew. One Sunday morning, one Monday morning, one Wednesday morning (all starting at 7:45), one Wednesday evening, and one Thursday afternoon. That, I thought, would be death. It would've meant that I had finals all week. However, as it turns out, only one of my classes actually gives a final. The school just gives every class a slot, whether it gets used or not apparently doesn't matter all that much. HUZZAH!

In other recent news, I actually was asleep before 12:30 yesterday. I don't remember the last time that happened...yet somehow, I was still tired today when I was at my nursing lecture. I took a nap in the lobby until I had discussion an hour later. I guess maybe I have some catching up to do with my sleep. It happens.

untitled

Life is confusing. People are confusing. I wish that people would say exactly what they mean. Yes, I believe there are times for subtlety. Yes, I enjoy metaphors and poems and artistic skill. However, I wish, that for just one single day, people told others what they actually meant, instead of saying something that then others will attempt to decode. It's too hard to decipher meaning when it could mean one of a million things, or nothing at all. How on earth are you supposed to figure things like that out? Ugh, if only I knew! What a spectacular gift that would be. If I could have any super power, it would be to read people's minds. I don't think that people necessarily lie to one another on a frequent basis, however, I do believe that people withold information for reasons unknown to me.

And have I mentioned yet that I hate time? And I'm impatient? I recently memorized Galatians 5:22 in an attempt to remind myself to be patient. And then I started to memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4.

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. And love is patient. I need to go read my Bible and pray. There are too many things that I could say at the moment.

girl night

So, as much as I loved last night, the craziness of being with everyone and hanging out with so many people, and just having a good time, I find that I equally love small groups. Love. I know that the word is over-used, and has been watered down through time, but I truly love being with my friends, and talking about everything. They are one of the reasons that I continue to laugh and smile and cherish life. Never before in my life have I had such fantastic friends, who legitimately care about my walk with Christ, my life, and my health. It's so refreshing.

Needless to say, I felt like crap this morning, having made myself sick. And when I told Brynn this she asked if she could get me anything, if she could do anything to help. I am so thankful for friends like her! She and Greta showed up at my room to check on me this evening, and I hadn't left my room all day, so it was nice to see them. These girls are wonderful, and I can't imagine leaving them for an entire year! It'll be hard, but we'll get through, and I'm sure things will be wonderful when I get back, and we'll continue encouraging and loving one another.

I remember when I first talked about Belgium...someone told me that they were worried for me, that I would lose friends, and find no one there, and have the worst of both worlds. I can't really believe that they said that, honestly. I think I'll have the best of both, because I know that the friends I have here are real, and honest, and true, and I am sure they'll be here when I get back.

It was good to sit over in Cole and watch chick flicks, and simply talk about life, and the problems that we're all currently facing - our fears, doubts, everything. Simply, fantastic. It's nice to be comfortable with being honest, with telling them how I've failed, and not be worried about their judging me. I've never had this, and I'm so thankful. I am so grateful for their friendship.

do(s) and don't(s)

do:
- have meaningful conversations about life with your friends
- be alright with looking like an idiot when you're playing games
- be extreme in your Tokie Tokie distractions
- eat Insomnia cookies
- smile
- take naps
- eat dinner
- read your assignments

do not:
- wake up from a nap and eat cake instead of lunch
- eat a Chalupa from Taco Bell at 2:00 in the morning
- deprive yourself of sleep
- make yourself sick because of your lack of real food